The tumultuous world of dating can be difficult to navigate. After all, there isn’t a manual for courting someone.
But just because there are no hard and fast rules about what you should and shouldn’t do when dating doesn’t mean there aren’t some things you should avoid doing. In truth, practically everyone makes a variety of basic dating blunders.
Here are some frequent dating blunders discovered through research conducted by relationship coaches, therapists, matchmakers, and other dating specialists to determine what not to do when dating.
1. Dating Without Any Goals
Many people slip into the terrible habit of dating passively because they lack goals and aspirations, according to relationship expert Kari Tumminia, MA, author of No Bad Dates. That means simply waiting for the next person to demonstrate enough interest before reacting to anything they bring to the table as if you were “auditioning for the post of a soulmate,” according to Tumminia. Instead, she suggests taking the time to write down a description of your ideal relationship, which you may use to determine which potential dates or partners fit that description and which don’t.
Dating with a purpose alleviates the burden of determining which possible partners we should devote more time and energy to, as well as providing clarity about why we’re dating.
2. Assuming that after a few dates, they’re not seeing anyone besides you.
If you’re dating someone in the early stages, you should always assume that the person you’re dating is still seeing other people, according to Fierstein.
However, if you’ve been on three or four dates and are confident that you both like each other, just be open about your feelings. (Yes, it can be frightening.) But you’ll be able to accomplish it!) “Look, I genuinely like you, and I’d like to know what you’re searching for,” Fierstein suggests. If the other person responds by saying they like you, you can say something along the lines of, “I’d like to continue getting to know you, but exclusively, if that’s what you want” (if that’s what you want).
However, keep in mind that if you’ve gone on a lot of dates with someone and they’re still seeing other people, it’s a red flag.
3. You might be focused on dating too many people.
On the other hand, dating a large number of people can lead to complications. Being associated with too many individuals, according to Eric Patterson, a professional psychotherapist in Pennsylvania, can make it difficult to feel “satisfied with just one person.”
“One person may have been the best cook, another could have been really handy around the house, another could have had an unrivaled sense of humor, and another could have been an incredible sexual partner,” he says. “None of these people were perfect, and none of them completely satisfied you, but their distinguishing features will be imprinted on your mind.”
4. Ghosting someone as a way of ending things
Orbuch advises against ghosting someone solely to avoid hurting their feelings.
If someone you’re no longer interested in contacts you, she suggests saying something along the lines of, “It was great to meet you, but I’m sorry.” I didn’t feel the connection I was searching for, and I don’t see why I should continue. I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.”
5. You text too much between dates
Many people really injure a relationship in the beginning by texting too much in between dates, according to Steve Phillips-Waller, relationship consultant for A Conscious Rethink.
“When you over-text in between dates, you’ll have fewer topics to discuss when you finally see each other. So keep your communications casual and short—just enough to indicate your interest without killing the conversation later on “he declares “Unfortunately, timid or socially anxious people will utilise messaging as a substitute for meeting in person. However, technology rarely achieves the same level of intimacy as face-to-face conversations.”
6. Going on about exes really early on.
Simply put, don’t do that. If your ex cheated on you, if you’re experiencing legal issues or custody disputes, or if you’re still trying to obtain a box of belongings from your ex’s apartment, don’t bring it up.
According to Orbuch, when people talk about their ex for an extended period of time, especially early in a dating relationship, it could indicate that they aren’t over them yet, making moving on to a new partner difficult.
7. Relying Too Much On Dating Apps
Dating apps are common these days, but Katie Dames, a relationship expert and sex specialist, believes that if you rely too much on them, you risk turning dating and relationships into “commodities” rather than “humanising” the process of finding a mate.
“These applications are directly responsible for common practises like ghosting and receiving unsolicited nudes. They’ve had a significant impact on dating culture “she explains. “I can see why they’re popular; dating apps get right to the point; everyone knows why they’re using them. However, the ease of use of these dating apps should not be the deciding factor in whether or not to use them. Their bad characteristics often outnumber their beneficial ones.”
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